The Year I Started Running

2025 

When I did my processing 2025 journaling session, the word that came up for this year was lonely. It was a year of figuring out who I am as a mother and a caretaker and how I want that role to fit into my already busy life. In a lot of ways I feel deeply supported and more loved this year, but there was also a lot of feeling alone and finding new ways to feel like myself. 

January - I did my first back walkover since having my kid. This might feel small but it was important to me to never lose this skill. We went to a high fashion themed new years party with circus friends. 

February - Went to Punxsy for groundhog day. Eleanor laughed for the first time (the thing that got her was being introduced to our chickens. In her defense, chickens are pretty funny). The absolute worst thing happened in February. I haven’t publicly acknowledged this because I’m still trying to pretend its not true. In February I said goodbye to my beloved truck. The beautiful, hybrid, truck of my dreams that I waited almost two years for. Sure it had so many safety recalls that the guys at the dealership knew me by name, but she also got 44 miles to the gallon and most of all SHE WAS MINE. Sadly, it was not a reliable vehicle for the amount of driving I was doing with a small baby and also did not fit all of my dogs inside. I now have a Subaru Ascent which is arguably the nicest car I’ve ever known but I’m still upset. The mom mobile does fit all three dogs, the baby, and the jogging stroller OR six circus performers and a baby on their way to a mud run so its not all bad. 

March - In March I ran my first 5k of the year. It was a goal of mine for 2025 to run a 5k. I ended up doing 5 and setting a new goal of running 40 before I turn 40. 

April - I got to do my first modeling gig since before I had E. It was exciting to come back to something fun I did in the before times. I went to the Kelsea Ballerini concert with Jenna, Eleanor went to her first baseball game, and I ran my second 5k. 

May - We went to the first game of the new female soccer league in Pittsburgh (woo! About time!). Eleanor met the goats. My nephew was born! 

June - My first paid circus gig! I was asked to join the company about 24 hours after I found out I was pregnant and was devastated that this thing I wanted for so long was coming at a time I couldn’t participate in it. Of course, the ladies at ICA are incredible and simply said, do it until you can’t, take your time coming back, perform when you’re ready. And here we are. We also went to Shenandoah National Park, the sixth on our way to the goal of visiting all 63 of them. I hiked a mountain with Eleanor sleeping in the front carrier which seemed like a good idea until I realized I couldn’t see my feet and therefore couldn’t see where I was stepping, but we made it up, she woke up to enjoy the view at the top, and then giggled the whole way down. I also started my first year as Executive Director of Footlight Players. I worked at this camp for 4 years while in undergrad and it was so exciting to come back and help shape my vision of summer camp. I’m thrilled with how the experience went! I performed in the circus showcase in a hoop/cube piece to “sin wagon” by the chicks with my friends Steph and Janet. We had long talked about wanting to do a line dancing/circus piece and it was the most fun I’ve ever had on stage.

July - Finished up Footlights and went on a girls trip to West Virginia with Jenna and Carolyn. 

August - Another circus gig! Learned to juggle. Went to a Dierks Bently concert with my dad. 

September - Mud run with my dad, brother, and circus friends. Eric Church concert with my dad. Eleanors first bike ride (she hated it). Started another season at City Theatre (My 8th with the company.)

October - Eleanor turned one! With an Oktoberfest themed birthday party. 

November - Aerial Arcana! A full length circus performance co-conceived by Jenly and Kelsey. I have so many thoughts and feelings about this show. I will share the love letter I wrote to my circus sisters below. Also ran a turkey trot with my dad. It was on a Christmas tree farm and I thought it would be magical. It was freezing cold and the first 1.5 miles was up and down the hill thru the trees. My bad. Its amazing my dad continues to do things with me. 

December - Ran it’s a wonderful 5k in Indiana. It was around the frozen lake. Much nicer weather. Much flatter. Eleanor played in the snow for the first time (loved it). 

A full year of motherhood. 

I thought I’d take a moment to reflect on my first full year of motherhood. I don’t think I said much about it last year because it was deep in it, but now that I’ve had time to reflect I’d like to capture a few things. I love being a mother way more than I thought I would. I thought I would need space and time to feel lie myself but my kiddo is the coolest person on the planet and hanging out with her every day is an absolutely gift and joy. (She’s applauding for herself as I type this). Absolutely nothing about how I planned my first year of motherhood worked as I wanted it to which truly just made me laugh. Starting with having a terrible birthing experience at The Midwife Center (as in I didn’t actually give birth there because for 25 hours they told me I wasn’t in active labor and then sent me to the hospital where I scared the shit out of a security guard because I was in fact not only in active labor but 9cm dilated and that man took one look at me and was like holy shit lets get you upstairs before you have this baby in the lobby. Long story. Happy to tell it with a cocktail in my hand…) to not being able to exclusively breastfeed (I ended up pumping and combo feeding), to having severe tendinitis in both wrists for half the year (went to so many doctors, nothing helped. A circus friend suggested acupuncture. Immediate relief. Another circus friend told me it would probably go away as soon as I stopped pumping. It did. Doctors please learn something from circus people). 

I have a couple of baby items that drastically improved my life this year so I thought I’d share here. 

1. Wearable pumps. Being strapped to a machine every 3ish hours made me want to die. I got wearable pumps. For a while I was hula hooping while pumping so it felt productive. I had the mom cozy ones. Couldn’t recommend enough if you’re going to spend the equivalent amount of time to a full time job pumping milk for your baby. 
2. Bottle washer/sterilizer. I made it about a week of hand washing bottles and pump parts before I decided there must be a better way. I have the baby breeze one. Its lovely. The mom cozy one intrigues me if anyone has used it. 
3. Pacifiers that glow in the dark. Whoever invented these DID NOT GET PAID ENOUGH. Genius
4. Jogging stroller. Being able to take Eleanor with me while I work out and also get us both outside has saved my life this year. Highly recommend. Also sidewalks everywhere suck so even if you don’t plan on running, jogging strollers are nice. I didn’t start using mine until I started running with Eleanor so she was already a little older but mine does has the ability to pop a carseat into it so I could have used it when she was smaller too. 

Books Read (20) 

Friends, Lovers, and the big terrible thing by Matthew Perry 

Beard Science by Penny Reid

Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff, PhD

Beard in Mind by Penny Reid 

This Could Be Our Future by Yancy Strickler

Let My People Go Surfing by Yvon Chounard

Dr. Strange Beard by Penny Reid

Make Believe by Victoria Hutchins

Made of Rivers by Emory Hall 

Beard Necessities by Penny Reid

I was told there’d be a village by Melissa Wirt

A little daylight left by Sarah Kay 

Precious Little Sleep by Alexis Dubuof

A Psalm for the Wild Built by Becky Chambers

The Cinnamon Bun Bookstore by Laurie Gilmore

The Christmas Tree Farm by Laurie Gilmore

You were always glowing even in the dark by Charlotte Freeman

Thrown for a Loop by Sarina Bowen 

Love Like Wild by Mehr Lee

A Merry little meet cute by Julie Murphy and Sierra Simone

Concerts Attended (3)

Kelsea Ballerini (Sasha Alex Sloan and MaRynn Taylor)

Dierks Bentley (Zach Top and The Band Loula) 

Eric Church (Elle King) 

Plays/Musicals Watched (13)

Philly Streets Strings

The Real James Bond…was Dominican 

Kimberly Akimbo 

Birthday Candles

King James

Westsylvania Jazz and Blues Festival 

How to Succeed in Business without really trying

Shrek Jr. 

Dream to Dream jr. 

A midsummer nights dream jr

A Beautiful Noise

Another Kind of Silence

Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women 

5ks Run (5/40)

St. Patricks Day (Pittsburgh) 

Dyngus Day (Pittsburgh) 

Turkey Trot (Indiana) 

It’s a Wonderful 5k (Indiana) 

Charlie Brown Virtual (Punxsutawney) 

National Parks Visited (6/63 total)

Shenandoah National Park 

Love Letter to my Circus Sisters (My favorite thing I wrote this year)

If you came to watch our show you saw incredibly strong women climbing 30 ft in the air, hanging from their necks and ankles and elbows. You saw feats of strength performed with beauty and grace, but if you come backstage you will find the softest women. Doing each other’s hair, sharing their snacks, wiping away tears, fixing costumes, bandaging cuts, massaging sore muscles, laughing, dancing, reminding each other to drink water,  taking care of each other. A place where “oh I forgot” is quickly replaced with “here take mine”.  Where the phases “can I help you” and “would you like me to” are overused. A place where the show doesn’t start until every single person is in that circle holding hands. In a world that tells us you must be cutthroat in order to succeed, these women remind me that our greatest strength always comes from our gentleness. That you can give everything you have and still have all your needs met, when you’re surrounded with genuine love. This is sisterhood. This is community, as it was meant to be. And i’m absolutely honored to be a part of it.