"You're the strongest person I know"
So I sat there with this little creature in my arms, hand feeding him water with an eye dropper, tears slowly rolling down my cheeks, as my friends watched helplessly silent. No one was going to say what I already knew, but wouldn't admit. My efforts were in vain; he was going to die. I knew I looked crazy, but I was hell bent on saving him and if I couldn't, I would know that I tried everything I could. I had already traveled over an hour to an Amish vet who would see him, who prescribed him basically glorified pedialyte for $30 (a price that my friend so fondly pointed out would buy me another guinea pig). This was my last ditch effort, sitting on the floor with mashed bananas and an eye dropper full of water as my friends looked on, rightfully concerned about what I would do when it finally happened. The next day they would find out. I called a friend who was in town and asked him to come get me. My roommates tagged along and I carried his box out into the woods to bury him. My friends offered to carry the box, but I refused to let go. As I stood on the sidewalk waiting to leave the apartment, box in hand, my friend kissed the top of my head and whispered "you're the strongest person I know". I didn't know what he meant. I didn't feel strong. I was crying, I felt like a mess, and I knew I looked crazy.
Only now, almost 3 years later as I'm crying, feel like a mess, and an concerned that I might be a little crazy, do I understand what he meant. I wasn't strong because I held it all together; I was strong because I was holding on to what was important to me even if everyone else thought I was crazy. I was strong because I wasn't afraid to love with everything I had, even if he was just a guinea pig that I had adopted late in his life. I was strong because I knew the odds weren't in my favor, but I still fought every inch of the way and even though I failed, I still stood there unashamed of my efforts.
This might seem like a silly example but in that moment, I felt more helpless than I ever did before. For anyone who has seen a loved one in pain or watched the dance between life and death, you know that you feel nothing but helpless. It's in moments of helplessness where we most feel like failures. Waiting to hear back from a job you applied for, trying to save a relationship that's going under, watching someone you love fight a disease. In these moments, it's important to remember that there is strength in fighting for what you believe in, loving with all you have, and continuing to stand up against all odds. And once you've come to the end of your line, once you exhausted all your resources, when you tried with all your strength, thats a great time to hand it over to God. He is the strength when you have none, the rock that supports you, and the never ending love you so deeply crave. Hand it over to him and trust that he always has your best interest in mind.
I cried for a week after my guinea pig died. I couldn't bring myself to throw away his cage so I gave it to my friend when he got a guinea pig. A nice reminder that there is life after death as with every ending comes a new beginning.
Only now, almost 3 years later as I'm crying, feel like a mess, and an concerned that I might be a little crazy, do I understand what he meant. I wasn't strong because I held it all together; I was strong because I was holding on to what was important to me even if everyone else thought I was crazy. I was strong because I wasn't afraid to love with everything I had, even if he was just a guinea pig that I had adopted late in his life. I was strong because I knew the odds weren't in my favor, but I still fought every inch of the way and even though I failed, I still stood there unashamed of my efforts.
This might seem like a silly example but in that moment, I felt more helpless than I ever did before. For anyone who has seen a loved one in pain or watched the dance between life and death, you know that you feel nothing but helpless. It's in moments of helplessness where we most feel like failures. Waiting to hear back from a job you applied for, trying to save a relationship that's going under, watching someone you love fight a disease. In these moments, it's important to remember that there is strength in fighting for what you believe in, loving with all you have, and continuing to stand up against all odds. And once you've come to the end of your line, once you exhausted all your resources, when you tried with all your strength, thats a great time to hand it over to God. He is the strength when you have none, the rock that supports you, and the never ending love you so deeply crave. Hand it over to him and trust that he always has your best interest in mind.
I cried for a week after my guinea pig died. I couldn't bring myself to throw away his cage so I gave it to my friend when he got a guinea pig. A nice reminder that there is life after death as with every ending comes a new beginning.
My alive and well guinea pig, Sea Salt, when he was just a baby. I love him more than is reasonable too.
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