I choose Joy

November 07, 2014

I choose Joy

Two and a half years ago, a new college graduate, I got in my car and drove 17 hours to Golden, Missouri. I had signed up to work at Kids Across America, a christian athletic camp, where I would live with a cabin full of 16 year old girls, with no cell phone, no computer, and really no connection to the outside world. I have no idea why I thought this wasn't going to be a big deal. That summer and the one to follow would bring so many moments of joy and sadness, I can't even begin to explain. I was brought to tears by an angry teenager screaming at me that God hated me, I ran laps on the basketball court at midnight with a cabin of girls that wouldn't get along, but I also sat on porch steps as girls told me their heartbreaking stories and told them about the love of God that would save them, I watched and encouraged as these kids faced their fears and felt the genuine joy of accomplishing something. There is one story however that I like to pull to memory when I'm having a particularly hard day.

There was another counselor at this camp that was so fierce that she had torn her ACL shortly before she was going to leave for camp and she told the doctors that they would have to wait to do surgery because she had a camp to work at. This chica hobbled around gravel paths and giant hills for weeks so that she could serve at camp. One week, she had a really rough girl in her cabin and no matter how hard she tried to love her, this girl wasn't giving her a break. One morning I was standing outside my cabin and she came hobbling up the path, clearly frustrated and she was saying to herself over and over again, "I choose joy. I get to choose how I feel today and I choose joy". I laughed out loud at her. The sight was so ridiculous. This girl who had sacrificed her health to serve these kids was getting nothing but attitude and here she was convincing herself that she was happy about this. Sure enough, ten minutes later when she when to our next event she was back to bouncing off the walls spreading joy and sunshine. Why? Because she chose joy.

This week was rough. I'm attempting to adjust to some new changes in my life and some are working out better than others. I shudder every time I receive a new email because I know it's going to contain one more thing to add to my ever growing to-do list and even after I plow through it all I'm left feeling unappreciated for my work. Numerous times this week I've felt myself thinking, "This is terrible. I need out."What a terrible mindset to have for a situation you cannot currently change. As I responded to another email this morning, I remembered the girl from camp, marching up the hill, telling herself to choose joy. I went back and looked at some pictures that have been taken, just in the last month, and saw genuine smiles, genuine fun that I have experienced that my mind had let get overshadowed by my worries and fears. I am happy. I have a beautiful life. I have love and support and I have joy. The scary, anxiety filled moments can't take away from me what I already have. I choose joy.